Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the
kitchen I was cooking and baking and moanin'
and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours; I can't stop to rest,
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!

Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered; I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready !"

He looks all around and with total regret,
says "What's taking so long...aren' t you through in here
yet ??"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life !

He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE !!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh, shit, it's the pies !! They're burned all to hell !!

I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong ?? Is there still more ahead ??
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.

Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live till next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!

April Marshall-Pettis. vcf
Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!
Mobile. Try it now.




"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but
rather by those moments that take our breath away."

"All Gave Some,,, Some Gave all, and for those who have fought
for it,, Freedom has a flavor the protected will never know."

"We sleep safe in our beds because rough men stand ready in
the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm!"
~ George Orwell

Above all else tis the land of the free because of the BRAVE.


Founder/President Pagans United
PUC North Central Regional Director
PUC Georgia State Chair
Mentor VBOC Open Circle, Iraq

Http://www.newage- journal.com
http://www.pagansun ited.com
http://www.paganuni tycampaign. org/
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/VBOC_ Baghdad/
pagansunited2004@ yahoogroups. com
SEGeorgiaPagans- subscribe@ yahoogroups. com
Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with
Yahoo! Search.


Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile.
Try it now.




"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but rather by
those moments that take our breath away."

"All Gave Some,,, Some Gave all, and for those who have fought for
it,, Freedom has a flavor the protected will never know."

"We sleep safe in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night
to visit violence on those who would do us harm!"
~ George Orwell

Above all else tis the land of the free because of the BRAVE.


Founder/President Pagans United
PUC North Central Regional Director
PUC Georgia State Chair
Mentor VBOC Open Circle, Iraq

Http://www.newage- journal.com
http://www.pagansun ited.com
http://www.paganuni tycampaign. org/
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/VBOC_ Baghdad/
pagansunited2004@ yahoogroups. com
SEGeorgiaPagans- subscribe@ yahoogroups. com